Costinești Mayor Dumitru Jeanu has launched a jingle aimed at attracting more tourists to the Costinești resort in 2025. It goes something like this: “No matter how rich you are, you can’t spend your money – pam, pam!” For now, it’s only on paper, but in the future – who knows – maybe it will be developed and performed by BUG Mafia or some popular manele-trample band. And, for those who are not lucky with their girlfriends at sea, the mayor is even thinking of hiring a saxophonist with braids, who will perform “Colegi de apartament” – Roommates.
So we went to Costinești in 2025, we didn’t have the money to spare anyway! We traveled to the sauna, in first class!
I joked with the train controller when I paid with my card:
You licked your nose with a kiss this time for the tip.
The controller turned it back to me:
You can’t pay with your card as much as I can steal! I’ll turn off the air conditioning!
Some of the fatter passengers seemed to be dying, but they didn’t give up on their water bottles. We ran out of water and kept hoping for even more heat, but there was no hope, so we settled for just beer.
We finally arrived. What does 17 hours matter if we arrived 3 minutes faster than Waze tells us – God help us!
We got off the train in a place that seemed like a combination of the Balomir Câmp stop, where you only get off to throw up after warming up with about ten beers on the way to Untold, and the slums of Kenya, where you only go to see how badly others poorer than you are doing.
If you imagine Mamaia to be a deserted resort, we urgently invite you to the main street in Costinești.
Most restaurants and kiosks in Costinești in 2025 are closed
On the left, a well-dressed man, wearing a brown jacket over a white shirt with squares like the pages of a math notebook. He was bald on top of his head, but the little hair he had was gelled, punk-style – up and he was wearing some greasy black boots – he was the mayor! We were offered a guide to the beach. He scolds the clerk for not wearing something more comfortable and for throwing the garbage completely in the wrong place, in the dumpster. He points his index finger at the sign that suggests that garbage is not even put in bags but is sprinkled like powdered sugar next to the dumpster.
Deputy sub-Mayor Dumitru Jianu!
Asked why he wrote the lyrics, the mayor of Costinești Dumitru Jeanu answered us:
Radu Mazăre has made enough mess. It’s time to take tourism back. Wave 2 – tourism back! We have to be invective.
I also asked him why many restaurants don’t have names but only symbols.
Although this year the baccalaureate pass rate has not decreased, we still have hope! So, we are coming to the aid of young people: it’s time to rest their overworked brains, so that their neurons don’t get activated. So, where there is a bagel shop, we put a bagel. At the shawarma shops – the face of Dorian Popa. And at the bookstore we will put the face of Călin Georgescu because, we are closing it, anyway. And no one comes in.
I ask:
What do you mean no one comes in?
Mayor Dumitru Jeanu:
Well, there was the incident in 2020: a boy from Ilfov saw some books in the window, went in, took the book «Butterflies» by Irina Binder, tore out a few pages and defecated right in the section where the merchants were hoping to sell something: Romanian poetry. Since then, everyone has been saying that Irina Binder and contemporary Romanian poets are shit.
I ask again:
Since when has Irina Binder been a beacon of the epic style, Mr. Jeanu?
Mayor Dumitru Jeanu:
Sir, I don’t know your name, but I didn’t come to use that heritage latrine at the bottom of your yard. So don’t use ours either! And don’t call me Jeanu anymore – I’m Jianu!
He takes a breath in the midday sun like a muzzled dog, continuing:
We have been trying for years to keep standards as low as possible, together with Mr. Decebal Făgădău and Vergil Chițac. In fact, during Mr. Chițac’s term of office we were ordered to maintain the resorts so that after the war the Russians would not attack us!
I rebel:
Let’s not exaggerate, Mr. Jeanu, Irina Binder is more like an anchor on the bottom of the ocean, a wreck from Costinești, – don’t you think?
Mayor Jeanu continues his nonsense:
Sir, we want people to feel at ease, to throw their trash anywhere, give a penny and enjoy the money you have, throw the Lidl net wherever you want, you have one life – and a hole in your ass – that’s the saying. Some have more holes, I can’t speak for everyone. We have published the Sustainable Development Strategy for the period 2014 – 2023.
I reply:
But we are in the year 2025…?!
Jeanu closes the discussion
2025 is just a number – it doesn’t matter, the important thing is to remain anchored in the past!
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News sources
Costinesti City Hall – staff – Dumitru Jeanu (mayor) (Romanian language)
